Transitions are rough, man. I've got 3 more weeks in Arkansas, and I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind. There are so many thoughts and feelings floating inside me and I can't seem to identify all of them. Here are a few:
-I'm sad & guilty to be leaving. I don't want to be just one more person that floats in and out of my kids' lives. I love my school and my kids. I'll miss them.
-I'm eagerly anticipating the end of the school year (understatement), but I'm reeling that it's actually almost over.
-I love my kids so much. I can't believe how much.
-I'm vaguely looking forward to moving back to California -- I know it will be amazing -- but the prospect of moving to yet another new place and making all new friends and building my life all over again is tiring right now. I'm not exactly intimidated -- I've moved before, and I can re-build my life -- it just sounds tiring right now.
-I can't believe how little money I have and, surprise surprise, I'm stressed out about paying for my trip back.
-I'm proud of myself for (almost) finishing TFA and having a relatively successful first two years of teaching.
-I'm still heartbroken that Finnick dies in Mockingjay. I'd never thought that anything would come close to the heartbreak of losing Mufasa in the Lion King, but this does.
-I'm glad to be a part of the teaching profession.
-I'm frustrated at how little teachers make, and I wonder if teaching is financially viable for me next year.
-I'm amazed at Nelson Mandela's nobility. Just finished his autobiography.
-I've had the compulsive need to ruthlessly get rid of stuff in the last few days. I filled 2 trash bags yesterday.
-I'm grateful for books that allow me to escape reality.
-I'm anxious about the backlash from the yearbooks, which we handed out today.
-I feel tense at trying to maintain the balance between a healthy end-of-the-year relaxed classroom and still teaching the children something.
Bottom line, I thought I'd be more invigorated at the end of TFA. Maybe I will be when I have a better idea of what my new life will look like.
Okay, back to distracting myself. That's enough thinking for now.
