our mission

"Is not this the fast that I choose;
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,

if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.

And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail."

Isaiah 58:6-11
     

 

happy ending

Aren't you glad that no matter our individual stories, the Great Story has the ultimate happy ending?

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'
And he who was seated on the trone said 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also he said 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'
And he said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.'" -Revelation 21:3-6

I just love Isaiah.

"I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16

thoughts I've clung to this summer

"I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you." -Isaiah 42:6

"Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price." -Isaiah 55:1

"One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." - John 9:25

"He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak." -Mark 7:37

"Behold, I am making all things new." -Revelation 21:5

"If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." -Psalm 139:9

"by waters still, o'er troubled sea -- still 'tis His hand that leadeth me."

Where were you?

Job 38

The LORD Answers Job

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:
2"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
3 Dress for action like a man;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.
4"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
5 Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
6 On what were its bases sunk,
or who laid its cornerstone,
7 when the morning stars sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

8 "Or who shut in the sea with doors
when it burst out from the womb,
9 when I made clouds its garment
and thick darkness its swaddling band,
10 and prescribed limits for it
and set bars and doors,
11 and said, 'Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
and here shall your proud waves be stayed'?

12 "Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
and caused the dawn to know its place,
13 that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
and the wicked be shaken out of it?
14 It is changed like clay under the seal,
and its features stand out like a garment.
15 From the wicked their light is withheld,
and their uplifted arm is broken.

16 "Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
Declare, if you know all this.

19 "Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
and where is the place of darkness,
20 that you may take it to its territory
and that you may discern the paths to its home?
21 You know, for you were born then,
and the number of your days is great!

22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
for the day of battle and war?
24 What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,
or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

25"Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain
and a way for the thunderbolt,
26 to bring rain on a land where no man is,
on the desert in which there is no man,
27 to satisfy the waste and desolate land,
and to make the ground sprout with grass?"

brave

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.

-Romans 8:15

I've moved back home. I am struggling with moments of fear, moments when I cannot see how God is here, right now, in my new life at home. Our relationship has been different recently, as I've said before, and I'm having a hard time translating that relationship into a new context. But really, that isn't my job.

So I'm trying, no, choosing, to hold on to the promise He has given me that He will never leave me. I truly want to live "adventurously expectant."

I feel as if the rug has been pulled out from me. All that I had spent a year and a half building at Trinity is suddenly gone, and I am just me for now.

That will have to be enough.

I am finding new courage in searching His Word, and I am fighting the impulse I have to run to counseling or even other people to face my problems. I've been facing them for years now, haven't I? And they haven't overwhelmed me yet.

I can be brave. He won't leave me.

"How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake."

a good Christian girl

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next, Daddy?' God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children."
-Romans 8:15

I bought this book last week called Confessions of a Good Christian Girl, and it has blown me out of the water. In a good way. One of the main points of the first chapter is that the Christian life is not the before-and-after story it is sometimes made out to be.

I used to think that I could bring all of my brokenness to God, and then He'd fix it and everything would be fine and dandy from then on. So when I began to let God walk me through my brokenness in January, I assumed things would be just peachy by, say, April.

Nope.

I'm still walking through my issues, and I'm realizing that they will never be fully resolved this side of heaven. I'm also beginning to be at peace with that. I can be broken and have issues, but I can also live my life without fear, "adventurously expectant" as the verse says.

I'm tired of being timid and grave-tending, wallowing in my pain or denying its' existence. God and I are on good terms again, and I'm choosing to trust Him again with my heart.

I know that He won't hurt me.

look at the birds

"Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to Him than birds." -Matthew 6:25

I have a bird feeder hanging out my window, and this plastic contraption has had more of an effect on my life than I thought it would.

You see, this bird feeder, contrary to my pessimistic predictions, actually attracts birds.

Lots of them.

I have always really loved birds - I don't know why, but they fascinate me. Jesus uses them to represent simplicity and trust in God, and maybe part of the reason these little creatures captivate me is that their nature is so opposite to mine.

I try so hard. I always have. Something deep inside of me needs to feel adequate, needs to feel like I can make up to God what He has done for me. So I strive, fail, feel guilty, tell myself to suck it up, and try again. And when I am wounded, I skip the first two steps and go right to blaming myself somehow, feeling guilty, and searching desperately for love, using other means.

My spiritual life has taken an interesting turn lately - I'm angry at God, you see.

As previously mentioned, when I am hurt, I don't become angry - instead I just absorb the pain and find some way to blame it on my own inadequacies. So my counselor has been urging me to let myself feel angry and disappointed in the people that have hurt me, including God. And I'm trying.

But it's difficult, because I've never been angry at God before - I've always tried so hard to be "good." I'm realizing though, that if my relationship with Him is to go anywhere from here, I must be honest with Him instead of ignoring my feelings like I'm in the practice of doing.

It's also scary - I feel like I've had my dear Foundation pulled out from under me, and I have no previous experience of this to fall back on, that'll assure me that I'm safe. It's hard to thank Him or ask Him for things when I'm realizing that deep down inside, I'm afraid He'll hurt me again.

I'm still in love with Him, though, and I still read my Bible and pray and journal and all that, but I don't feel His presence, and that is perhaps what scares me the most.

So, for now, I am clinging to the image of the birds, because I know that God is trying to speak to me through it. I just don't understand what He is trying to say. I'm sure the amazing connection will come soon, like it always does, but for now I wait, clinging to the mercies of God that keep my faith alive during times like this.

Romans 6

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."