Well, here I stand, 2 days before the beginning of spring semester and recently returned from 9 glorious days in California. The time with my family was glorious, as always, and I didn’t really do much. I had a head cold the entire time, so it was a nice excuse to lay around as much as I wanted to. Highlights include seeing South Coast Repertory’s production of “A Christmas Carol” (a MUST if you’re ever in Orange County around the holidays) and bawling my eyes out, surfing with my family at Newport Beach on Christmas day, and eating Chipotle and In-n-Out like it was my job.
Now that I’m back in southern Arkansas, my attitude towards being here and towards teaching in general has gone up and down like a yo-yo. One minute I’m feeling good about teaching, and the next I’m wondering what I’m earth I’m doing here and why I ever wanted to be a teacher. My attitude is mostly good, but I have my moments.
I’m trying to get over the jet lag as fast as possible, but I’m still tired and feel kind of “off”. This is one of the many reasons I returned to Arkansas a week early instead of staying in California until the last minute.
I’m spending these last few days cleaning out my classroom, putting up twinkly lights, and re-organizing everything. I’m re-reading the First Days of School and hopefully I’ll be implementing more procedures in my class this semester. One thing I really want to do this semester is have a consistent format for class; I want my kids to know exactly what’s going to happen and exactly what’s expected of them during each part of class.
Big surprise, I’m having problems with money again. I spent a lot of money travelling to and from California, and my debt just keeps growing and growing. Meanwhile I’m here in southern Arkansas, and there are lots of things I need/want for my classroom and my house that would make my life a lot easier. I’m so frustrated that to be an effective teacher in my situation, I basically have to spend money out of my own pocket.
I’m optimistic about this semester. I think it’s going to be a lot better.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
it bears re-posting
"Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out thy mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.
Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.
Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out thy mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.
Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.
Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
Saturday, December 24, 2011
especially poignant this year
"Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name, all oppression shall cease."
And in His name, all oppression shall cease."
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
telling the truth
Thanksgiving break was GLORIOUS. It was so nice to be home in sunny California and see my family for the first time since the end of May. Coming back was very difficult, though. It’s amazing how in one week you can forget all of the good things about your life and only remember the bad.
All of the conversations I had with family, friends, and semi-strangers last week went something like this.
“So, you’re a teacher now?”
“Yes.” [I fought the urge to say "ma'am" about half the time]
“And you live in southern Arkansas?”
…we go on to talk about latent racism, the achievement gap, etc…
“Wow, it’s really like that?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, what you’re doing is really admirable.”
Thanks, I guess? That doesn’t make it easier to go back and face reality, though. I’ve been reading Lies My Teacher Told Me. Highly recommended, but very depressing. It basically explains how everything we learned in history class was complete propaganda. The author writes a whole chapter about the misconceptions Americans choose to have about the explorers, especially Columbus. I thought it was relevant to read on Thanksgiving week, and I started to think the denial our society lives in all the time.
People just pretend that since the Civil Rights Movement, racism is over and everything’s all hunky dory now. And people pretend that the Thanksgiving feast is a representation of the pilgrims and the Native Americans and the actual relationship they had. I know I’m guilty of this too, but it seems that people would rather pretend that something doesn’t exist — that way they don’t have to do anything about it. And if they pretend for long enough, then they start to really believe that segregation, for example, is a thing of the past.
It’s sad that I had to convince so many people of a reality that slaps me across the face every day. Talking about it, though, reminded me of why I’m here. I realized that it is November, and according to the month-by-month mood swing calendar in See Me After Class, this is Disillusionment Month. I have become pretty disillusioned. A lot of my idealism has worn off with months of hard work yielding seemingly spare results.
I remembered that I am here for a reason, and I do think that I can empower my students and (hopefully) help them treat each other with more respect. I don’t think I’ll be changing national statistics any time soon, but I’ll do what I can.
This semester hasn’t been that bad, truly. But the next 3 weeks might be rough. Other teachers have told me that the weeks before Christmas break are rough because the kids are just done and you are too. So I’m trying to let go of control and just ride it out.
With the coming of Christmas and the advent season comes the reminder of the Incarnation, and how it changed human history forever. I don’t want to get too preachy, but I’m reminded every year around this time that Jesus saves, and we are to manifest His reign here on earth. And as I try to treat my students as He would treat them, I’m reminded that He’s the only one I’m trying to please after all, so I don’t have to worry about pleasing everyone.
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Such beautiful words. I’m resisting the urge to get a Sharpie and scrawl them all over my bedroom wall.
I have “And in His name” written on my forearm, reminding me that I’m taking part in ending the oppression that so many Americans choose to ignore.
I’m also very excited to see my kids tomorrow .
All of the conversations I had with family, friends, and semi-strangers last week went something like this.
“So, you’re a teacher now?”
“Yes.” [I fought the urge to say "ma'am" about half the time]
“And you live in southern Arkansas?”
…we go on to talk about latent racism, the achievement gap, etc…
“Wow, it’s really like that?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, what you’re doing is really admirable.”
Thanks, I guess? That doesn’t make it easier to go back and face reality, though. I’ve been reading Lies My Teacher Told Me. Highly recommended, but very depressing. It basically explains how everything we learned in history class was complete propaganda. The author writes a whole chapter about the misconceptions Americans choose to have about the explorers, especially Columbus. I thought it was relevant to read on Thanksgiving week, and I started to think the denial our society lives in all the time.
People just pretend that since the Civil Rights Movement, racism is over and everything’s all hunky dory now. And people pretend that the Thanksgiving feast is a representation of the pilgrims and the Native Americans and the actual relationship they had. I know I’m guilty of this too, but it seems that people would rather pretend that something doesn’t exist — that way they don’t have to do anything about it. And if they pretend for long enough, then they start to really believe that segregation, for example, is a thing of the past.
It’s sad that I had to convince so many people of a reality that slaps me across the face every day. Talking about it, though, reminded me of why I’m here. I realized that it is November, and according to the month-by-month mood swing calendar in See Me After Class, this is Disillusionment Month. I have become pretty disillusioned. A lot of my idealism has worn off with months of hard work yielding seemingly spare results.
I remembered that I am here for a reason, and I do think that I can empower my students and (hopefully) help them treat each other with more respect. I don’t think I’ll be changing national statistics any time soon, but I’ll do what I can.
This semester hasn’t been that bad, truly. But the next 3 weeks might be rough. Other teachers have told me that the weeks before Christmas break are rough because the kids are just done and you are too. So I’m trying to let go of control and just ride it out.
With the coming of Christmas and the advent season comes the reminder of the Incarnation, and how it changed human history forever. I don’t want to get too preachy, but I’m reminded every year around this time that Jesus saves, and we are to manifest His reign here on earth. And as I try to treat my students as He would treat them, I’m reminded that He’s the only one I’m trying to please after all, so I don’t have to worry about pleasing everyone.
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Such beautiful words. I’m resisting the urge to get a Sharpie and scrawl them all over my bedroom wall.
I have “And in His name” written on my forearm, reminding me that I’m taking part in ending the oppression that so many Americans choose to ignore.
I’m also very excited to see my kids tomorrow .
Sunday, October 9, 2011
I just love Isaiah.
"I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16
Sunday, August 28, 2011
more Brennan Manning
"Anoint us with the spirit of compassion that we may be with you in the passion of our times;
That we may be poor with those who are poor, mourn with those who mourn, enter into the struggle of our generation for social justice, treat others as we would like to be treated.
We pray for the courage to risk everything on you, to be with you in your faithfulness to your mission, our mission."
"Life is hard. It is hard to be a Christian, but it is too dull to be anything else."
That we may be poor with those who are poor, mourn with those who mourn, enter into the struggle of our generation for social justice, treat others as we would like to be treated.
We pray for the courage to risk everything on you, to be with you in your faithfulness to your mission, our mission."
"Life is hard. It is hard to be a Christian, but it is too dull to be anything else."
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Brennan Manning
I love him. I just started reading the Signature of Jesus, and it's just what I need to hear right now.
"Littered along the Calvary road will lie the skeletons of our egos, the corpses of our fantasies of control, and the shards of self-righteousness, self-indulgent spirituality, and unfreedom."
"I long for passion, intelligence, and compassion in a church without ostentation, gently beckoning to the world to come and enjoy the peace and unity we possess because of the Spirit in our midst."
"But the victorious minority, unintimidated by the cultural patterns of the lockstepping majority, live and celebrate as though Jesus were near -- near in time, near in place -- the witness of our motives, our speech, and our behavior. As indeed he is."
"All that we have and are is one of the unique and never-to-be-repeated ways God has chosen to express himself in space and time. Each of us, made in his image and likeness, is yet another promise he has made to the universe that he will continue to love it and care for it."
"God utters me like a word containing a partial thought of himself. A word will never be able to comprehend the voice that utters it. But if I am true to the concept that God utters in me, if I am true to the thought in him I was meant to embody, I shall be full of his actuality and find him everywhere in myself and find myself nowhere. I shall be lost in him." -Thomas Merton
"I pray that you will be daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, courageous enough to get burnt in the fire, and real enough to help others see that prose is not poetry, speech is not song, and tangibles, visibles, and perishables are not adequate for beings signed with the blood of the Lamb." -Brennan Manning
"As Abram leaves Haran he embarks on a journey he has never made to a land he never has seen. He sets out, not because he can predict the role he is to play in the history of salvation, but simply because of his personal experience, the spiritual experience of God speaking to him. There is no program he can detail; no insight into history with which he can support his decision; no model through which he can obtain a psychological identity. Spiritual experience has become a summons: It is God who directs. And the future is God's. God will, in time, show him the land."
"His is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, and not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future."
"If the Christian beliefs inherited from our family and passed on to us by our church tradition are not grounded in a shattering, life-changing experience of Jesus as the Christ, then the chasm between our creedal statements and our faith-experience widens and our witness is worthless. The gospel will persuade no one unless it has so convicted us that we are transformed by it."
"God calls us to break camp, abandon the comfort and security of the status quo, and embark in perilous freedom on the journey to a new Canaan."
"We cannot deduce anything about Jesus from what we think we know about God; we must now deduce everything about God from what we do know about Jesus."
"Littered along the Calvary road will lie the skeletons of our egos, the corpses of our fantasies of control, and the shards of self-righteousness, self-indulgent spirituality, and unfreedom."
"I long for passion, intelligence, and compassion in a church without ostentation, gently beckoning to the world to come and enjoy the peace and unity we possess because of the Spirit in our midst."
"But the victorious minority, unintimidated by the cultural patterns of the lockstepping majority, live and celebrate as though Jesus were near -- near in time, near in place -- the witness of our motives, our speech, and our behavior. As indeed he is."
"All that we have and are is one of the unique and never-to-be-repeated ways God has chosen to express himself in space and time. Each of us, made in his image and likeness, is yet another promise he has made to the universe that he will continue to love it and care for it."
"God utters me like a word containing a partial thought of himself. A word will never be able to comprehend the voice that utters it. But if I am true to the concept that God utters in me, if I am true to the thought in him I was meant to embody, I shall be full of his actuality and find him everywhere in myself and find myself nowhere. I shall be lost in him." -Thomas Merton
"I pray that you will be daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, courageous enough to get burnt in the fire, and real enough to help others see that prose is not poetry, speech is not song, and tangibles, visibles, and perishables are not adequate for beings signed with the blood of the Lamb." -Brennan Manning
"As Abram leaves Haran he embarks on a journey he has never made to a land he never has seen. He sets out, not because he can predict the role he is to play in the history of salvation, but simply because of his personal experience, the spiritual experience of God speaking to him. There is no program he can detail; no insight into history with which he can support his decision; no model through which he can obtain a psychological identity. Spiritual experience has become a summons: It is God who directs. And the future is God's. God will, in time, show him the land."
"His is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, and not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future."
"If the Christian beliefs inherited from our family and passed on to us by our church tradition are not grounded in a shattering, life-changing experience of Jesus as the Christ, then the chasm between our creedal statements and our faith-experience widens and our witness is worthless. The gospel will persuade no one unless it has so convicted us that we are transformed by it."
"God calls us to break camp, abandon the comfort and security of the status quo, and embark in perilous freedom on the journey to a new Canaan."
"We cannot deduce anything about Jesus from what we think we know about God; we must now deduce everything about God from what we do know about Jesus."
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