Whom have I but You?

Though mountains fall
They fall into the sea

Though my coloured dawn
May turn to shades of grey

Though questions asked
May never be resolved

Whom have I but You?


by David Ruis

2 more poems I love

"the Sword" by Sheldon Vanauken

Yes, Mark was posted to the Tenth that year.
The day we got there priests contrived to bring
This 'god' to death, and mobs that made me cling
To Mark surged round us, all one mocking jeer.

No omen warned me when Mark led me near
The yelling street that I should be implored
By God to wear my girlhood like a sword
So edged with mercy men would freeze in fear.

Mark's armor made the crowd draw back a space.
Just there beneath his cross the god limped by.
I saw his eyes and rushed into the street
Through sudden stillness and wiped his face.
'My child,' he said and staggered on to die.
- My girlhood lay in fragments at my feet.

"Advent" by Sheldon Vanauken

Two thousand years go by while on the Cross
Our Lord is suffering still - there is no end
Of pain: the spear pierces, nails rend -
And we below with Mary weep our loss.
The chilling edge of night crawls round the earth;
At every second of the centuries
The dark comes somewhere down, with dreadful ease
Slaying the sun, denying light's rebirth.
But if the agony and death go on,
Our Lady's tears, our Lord's most mortal cry,
So, too, the timeless lovely birth again -
And the forsaken tomb. Today: the dawn
That never ended and can never die
In breaking glory ushers in the slain.

Madeline Bray

Nicholas: I have been happy for times, little times, since he died. But never at peace.

Madeline: Nicholas, I feel you know what it's like to be without happiness, but do you know what it's like to be afraid of it? To see the world as so conniving, you cannot take pleasure in the appearance of something good, because you suspect it is only a painted drop behind which other troubles lie. That has been my life. Every good thing has been a trick...until you. But I am afraid to take your hand. What if you can not, or will not, save me? I can bear to be maltreated by the greedy or the weak...but to be let down by an angel...

Nicholas: I am not an angel. I live as far from that lofty perch as any man. My temper alone, my impatience - well, perhaps I should not list all my faults in case I am too persuasive. You are the one who is so admirably able and strong.

Madeline: I am tired of being strong.

Nicholas: As am I. Weakness is tiring, but strength is exhausting. You see, I cannot save you, for I need saving too.

I relate to most of the characters in Nicholas Nickleby on some level, but Madeline Bray's feelings in this scene have most closely reflected my own. Whenever my life is going relatively well, I fail to enjoy the good things because I constantly wonder when the other shoe will drop . My thoughts become morbid and for this I would almost rather be suffering than walking in the paranoid contentment that has been my alternative. I fear that if I don't enjoy my God-given happiness "enough," He'll take it away and punish me. I worry that because I am happy, I am not "contrite" enough - I am taking God for granted and He will knock me to my knees again.

What deception! I must not know my loving Father very well at all to have such a low opinion of Him, to so fear His punishment.

But I do have reason to feel the way I do - many good things in my life have been "a trick." God has not always been present enough in my life for me to cling to Him in times of fear. I have felt betrayed and abandoned by Him, and not without reason.

It's easy to silence my feelings on this subject by giving the usual trite, "Christian" answers.

I will not learn to trust God, however, unless I let myself feel my feelings instead of "spiritualizing" them.

I know that all I need to do is see Him - to see what He is doing in my heart, how He is pursuing me, how He is healing me. My mind is telling me that He is doing all of these things, but my heart is still longing for His touch.

I choose to wait for Him instead of "making things right" by myself as I so often do, being strong and saving myself. I will do my part, yes, but I want Him to pursue me. I need Him to pursue me.

mild?

"This word 'mild' is apparently deliberately used to describe a man who did not hesitate to challenge and expose the hypocrisies of the religious people of His day: a man who had such 'personality' that He walked unscathed through a murderous crowd; a man so far from being a nonentity that He was regarded by the authorities as a public danger; a man who could be moved to violent anger by shameless exploitation or by smug complacent orthodoxy; a man of such courage that He deliberately walked to what He knew would mean death, despite the earnest pleas of well-meaning friends! Mild! What a word to use for a personality whose challenge and strange attractiveness nineteen centuries have by no means exhausted. Jesus Christ might well be called 'meek,' in the sense of being selfless and humble and utterly devoted to what He considered right, whatever the personal cost; but 'mild,' never!" - J.B. Phillips

Shadowfeet

"Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you