This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.
-Romans 8:15
I've moved back home. I am struggling with moments of fear, moments when I cannot see how God is here, right now, in my new life at home. Our relationship has been different recently, as I've said before, and I'm having a hard time translating that relationship into a new context. But really, that isn't my job.
So I'm trying, no, choosing, to hold on to the promise He has given me that He will never leave me. I truly want to live "adventurously expectant."
I feel as if the rug has been pulled out from me. All that I had spent a year and a half building at Trinity is suddenly gone, and I am just me for now.
That will have to be enough.
I am finding new courage in searching His Word, and I am fighting the impulse I have to run to counseling or even other people to face my problems. I've been facing them for years now, haven't I? And they haven't overwhelmed me yet.
I can be brave. He won't leave me.
"How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?
In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake."
1 comment:
I'm praying for you. You are strong, Elsa...and unbeatably strong with you put that strength in Jesus. You can do it.
But don't forget that God did give us community on purpose. You aren't alone...God can show Himself in the relationships that He gives you. So you don't have to ignore them as long as you don't put them on an equal pedestal with Him.
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