two signs of Divine providence

1. I sat down at a random table in my bio lab today, and my it turns out that my new lab partners happen to share my love for C.S. Lewis and A.W. Tozer!

2. I saw the most DELIGHTFUL birds at school today - bushtits, they're called - quite an awful name if you ask me, but all the same they reminded me that God still cares for me even now.

a thought and a prayer

"Father,

I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting.

I come trembling, but I do come.

Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival.

Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious.

Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.

In Jesus' name.

Amen."


This is from the Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, and I think it truly reflects my own heart in the last few days.

Since moving back, I've had my ups and downs - as P.B. Shelley puts it, "One wandering thought pollutes the day." With the adjustments I am making, it is so easy to let just one stray, self-pitying thought ruin my attitude, my mood, and my connection with God.

When I let this happen, I am putting my pride and my "martyrdom" on the throne of my heart in place of the most High God. I have come to depend on my pride in my "sacrifice" to make me feel secure, because I think it is all I have left in the face of such change in my life.

I'm afraid to give up this "martyrdom" because that would mean I can't take care of myself, that I actually need the God who longs to take my worries. I have only to leave them at the foot of the Cross; He died to carry my burdens for me, to defeat Worry's hold on me.

What more could I possibly ask for?

"Your God is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with His love
and delight you with His songs.
The accumulated sorrows of your exile will dissipate.
I, your God, will get rid of them for you.

You've carried those burdens long enough."

- Zeph. 3:17-18 MSG

New Years Resolutions

I love New Years' Day, first because it's my birthday, and second because it's the ultimate fresh start. It can be daunting, but it can also be invigorating, inspiring, and hopeful. Here are my resolutions for 2008:

1. Get to know God again - be honest with Him with my doubts, and learn to trust Him again. Spend time with Him out of love, not out of obligation.

2. Embrace life - instead of being morbid and wallowing in my faults, choose to celebrate the goodness of God in my life.

3. Believe in myself - learn that I am worth it.

4. Stop dieting and start living - learn how to eat healthy through Weight Watchers and break free of the diet mentality. Do this FOR ME, because I am worth it. Have patience and grace with myself for the journey.

5. Keep running - I can truly do whatever I set my mind to. Exercise FOR ME.

6. Invest in community here and now, instead of wishing I were somewhere else.

7. Take ownership of my finances and start saving for the future.

8. Keep learning grace.

9. Be more encouraging to my loved ones - I tend to take them for granted.

10. Have fun! Don't take myself so seriously all the time.

I also want to blog more often this year, so hopefully you'll be hearing a lot more from me in the future :).