"Hope" is the thing with feathers --
That perches in the soul --
And sings the tune without the words --
And never stops at all --
-Emily Dickinson
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Friday night
I can hear the Disneyland fireworks, as usual.
Janey is terrified of ceiling fans.
Hillary Duff can NOT act.
I get my new computer tomorrow!
G.K. Chesterton is amazing.
Should I write my paper on Ralph Nickleby, or Ebenezer Scrooge? Or both?
Falling asleep to the sound of the rain on the roof is lovely.
When was the last time I went running?
Work is good for me.
Too many books checked out from the library.
Martin doesn't like the new coffee cake muffin.
I watch movies that I know are lame, and I still enjoy them. Hm.
Chocolate frozen yogurt with almonds is my new combo.
What is the point of Twitter?
"Marius" and "Guenevere" are officially added to my favorite names list.
Isaiah. Enough said.
Writer's block really does exist.
But, most of all:
All is well.
Janey is terrified of ceiling fans.
Hillary Duff can NOT act.
I get my new computer tomorrow!
G.K. Chesterton is amazing.
Should I write my paper on Ralph Nickleby, or Ebenezer Scrooge? Or both?
Falling asleep to the sound of the rain on the roof is lovely.
When was the last time I went running?
Work is good for me.
Too many books checked out from the library.
Martin doesn't like the new coffee cake muffin.
I watch movies that I know are lame, and I still enjoy them. Hm.
Chocolate frozen yogurt with almonds is my new combo.
What is the point of Twitter?
"Marius" and "Guenevere" are officially added to my favorite names list.
Isaiah. Enough said.
Writer's block really does exist.
But, most of all:
All is well.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
were
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
-1 Corinthians 6:9-11
-1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Ebenezer
"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."
words by Robert Robinson
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."
words by Robert Robinson
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
on love
I am an unabashed consumer of "love." As I read magazines and watch chick flicks, I am buying and consuming what they are selling: "love." I've started to realize, though, that this "love" is not Love at all. I don't even know what it is, but, upon examination, this cheap imitation does not even resemble true Love. This manufactured "love," as seen on the movie screen and in the magazine article, is often selfish, superficial, and temporary. If I consume "love" in large enough quantities, I can trick myself into believing that this is the best we can hope for from el amor. But as I've spent more time in the presence of Love Himself, I find myself wanting to jump up from my padded movie theatre seat, dump my Mike 'n Ikes on the floor, point my finger like a saber at the screen and yell
"THAT
IS
NOT
LOVE!"
Now that I know more than ever what true Love is like, this "love" disgusts me even more. I'm not condemning all chick flicks and magazines -- indeed, some of them do paint beautiful picture of kind, self-sacrificial, eternal Love. But for the most part, these images that our culture is selling us -- "love," "romance," and "happiness" -- are like Sprite Zero.
The restaurant I work at started selling Sprite Zero recently, and I had the opportunity to try it for the first time.
Gross.
Absolutely disgusting.
My first thought was "Why would ANYONE ever want to drink this?".
I'm a bit addicted to real Sprite, so the contrast between the imitation sugar and the real sweetness was harsh to me. I realized, though, as I downed Hi-C fruit punch from the next spout over to cover the lingering aftertaste, that this disgusting imitation of my beloved soft drink is a lot like "love."
In fact, I think I watched a movie on a plane a few years ago (now I'm sorry if you liked this movie - I really didn't) that was actually called "A Lot Like Love." I wouldn't be so generous, but I think that this title comes the closest to an accurate representation of the contents of that movie than other titles I've seen.
As I was a little bit bored that particular day at work, I pursued my train of thought even further. If I'd never tried Sprite (well, actually, if I'd never tried sugar at all), then (maybe) Sprite Zero would actually taste okay. Or if it'd been a long time since I'd tried decent soda, I might even like the imitation flavor of Zero.
In the same way, the more time I spend away from Love, the more appealing "love" seems. This is probably a flawed metaphor, as Sprite is actually really bad for you whereas Love is the best thing there is, but it'll have to do.
I have to spend as much time as possible in the presence of Love. And I have to stop consuming "love" - I know I hate it, so why should I force myself to get used to it? I'd rather drink Sprite any day.
Now I'd love to point out some particularly sickening examples of "love" in movies and magazines, but in doing so I'd be committing one of my biggest pet peeves. It's so easy to point fingers and bash the "shallow," "materialistic" content of specific movies or books, but it doesn't really help anyone. I generally don't respect any author that spends an entire book pointing out the evils of "today's society" or "culture" without proposing a solution or even an alternative.
So I'm not going to do that.
This is more of a reminder to myself than anything else: don't listen to anyone and anything that tries to tell you that "love" is Love. If you believe them, you'll waste time and miss out.
And keep drinking Sprite.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to ev'ry wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-Shakespeare
"THAT
IS
NOT
LOVE!"
Now that I know more than ever what true Love is like, this "love" disgusts me even more. I'm not condemning all chick flicks and magazines -- indeed, some of them do paint beautiful picture of kind, self-sacrificial, eternal Love. But for the most part, these images that our culture is selling us -- "love," "romance," and "happiness" -- are like Sprite Zero.
The restaurant I work at started selling Sprite Zero recently, and I had the opportunity to try it for the first time.
Gross.
Absolutely disgusting.
My first thought was "Why would ANYONE ever want to drink this?".
I'm a bit addicted to real Sprite, so the contrast between the imitation sugar and the real sweetness was harsh to me. I realized, though, as I downed Hi-C fruit punch from the next spout over to cover the lingering aftertaste, that this disgusting imitation of my beloved soft drink is a lot like "love."
In fact, I think I watched a movie on a plane a few years ago (now I'm sorry if you liked this movie - I really didn't) that was actually called "A Lot Like Love." I wouldn't be so generous, but I think that this title comes the closest to an accurate representation of the contents of that movie than other titles I've seen.
As I was a little bit bored that particular day at work, I pursued my train of thought even further. If I'd never tried Sprite (well, actually, if I'd never tried sugar at all), then (maybe) Sprite Zero would actually taste okay. Or if it'd been a long time since I'd tried decent soda, I might even like the imitation flavor of Zero.
In the same way, the more time I spend away from Love, the more appealing "love" seems. This is probably a flawed metaphor, as Sprite is actually really bad for you whereas Love is the best thing there is, but it'll have to do.
I have to spend as much time as possible in the presence of Love. And I have to stop consuming "love" - I know I hate it, so why should I force myself to get used to it? I'd rather drink Sprite any day.
Now I'd love to point out some particularly sickening examples of "love" in movies and magazines, but in doing so I'd be committing one of my biggest pet peeves. It's so easy to point fingers and bash the "shallow," "materialistic" content of specific movies or books, but it doesn't really help anyone. I generally don't respect any author that spends an entire book pointing out the evils of "today's society" or "culture" without proposing a solution or even an alternative.
So I'm not going to do that.
This is more of a reminder to myself than anything else: don't listen to anyone and anything that tries to tell you that "love" is Love. If you believe them, you'll waste time and miss out.
And keep drinking Sprite.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to ev'ry wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-Shakespeare
Thursday, January 29, 2009
one of my favorite parts of Nicholas Nickleby
Background: Nicholas is a teacher in a school run by the evil Mr. Squeers, a n abusive man who has been especially cruel to a crippled boy named Smike. Smike has attempted to escape the school and Squeers has tracked him down and is about to flog him.
"'Is every boy here?' asked Squeers, in a tremendous voice.
Every boy was there, but every boy was afraid to speak; so Squeers glared along the lines to assure himself, and every eye drooped and every head cowered down as he did so.
'Each boy keep his place,' said Squeers, administering his favorite blow to the desk, and regarding with gloomy satisfaction the universal start which it never failed to occasion. 'Nickleby! to your desk, sir.'
It was remarked by more than one small observer, that there was a very curious and unusual expression in the usher's face, but he took his seat without opening his lips in reply; and Squeers casting a triumphant glance at his assistant and a look of most comprehensive despotism on the boys, left the room, and shortly afterwords returned dragging Smike by the collar - or rather by that fragment of his jacket which was nearest the place where his collar would have been, had he boasted such a decoration.
In any other place the appearance of the wretched, jaded, spiritless object would have occasioned a murmur of compassion and remonstrance. It had some effect even there; for the lookers-on moved uneasily in their seats, and a few of the boldest ventured to steal looks at each other, expressive of indignation and pity.
They were lost on Squeers, however, whose gaze was fastened on the luckless Smike as he inquired, according to custom in such cases, whether he had anything to say for himself.
'Nothing, I suppose?' said Squeers, with a diabolical grin.
Smike glancd round, and his eye rested for an instant on Nicholas, as if he had expected him to intercede; but his look was riveted on his desk.
'Have you anything to say?' demanded Squeers again: giving his right arm two or three flourishes to try its power and suppleness. 'Stand a little out of the way, Mrs. Squeers, my dear; I've hardly got room enough.'
'Spare me, sir!' cried Smike.
'Oh! That's all, is it?' said Squeers. 'Yes, I'll flog you within an inch of your life, and spare you that.'
'Ha, ha,ha,' laughed Mrs. Squeers, 'that's a good 'un.'
'I was driven to do it,' said Smike faintly; and casting another imploring look about him.
'Driven to do it, were you?' said Squeers. 'Oh! it wasn't your fault; it was mine, I suppose - eh?'
'A nasty, ungrateful, pig-headed, brutish, obstinate, sneaking dog,' exclaimed Mrs. Squeers, taking Smike's head under her arm, and administering a cuff at every epithet; 'what does he mean by that?'
'Stand aside, my dear,' replied Squeers. 'We'll try and find out.'
Mrs. Squeers being out of breath with her exertions, complied. Squeers caught the boy firmly in his grip; one desperate cut had fallen on his body - he was wincing from the lash and uttering a scream of pain - it was raised again, and again about to fall - when Nicholas Nickleby suddenly starting up, cried 'Stop!' in a voice that made the rafters ring.
'Who cried stop?' said Squeers, turning savagely round.
'I,' said Nicholas, stepping forward. 'This must not go on.'
'Must not go on!' cried Squeers, almost in a shriek.
'No!' thundered Nicholas.
Aghast and stupefied by the boldness of the interference, Squeers released his hold of Smike, and falling back a pace or two, gazed upon Nicholas with looks that were positively frightful.
'I say must not,' repeated Nicholas, nothing daunted;'shall not. I will prevent it.'
Squeers continued to gaze upon him, with his eyes starting out of his head; but astonishment had actually for the moment bereft him of speech.
'You have disregarded all my quiet interference in the miserable lad's behalf,' said Nicholas; 'returned no answer to the letter in which I begged forgiveness for him,and offered to be responsible that he would remain quietly here. Don't blame me for this public interference. You have brought it upon yourself; not I.'
'Sit down, beggar!' screamed Squeers, almost beside himself with rage, and seizing Smike as he spoke.
'Wretch,' rejoined Nicholas, fiercely,'touch him at your peril! I will not stand by and see it done; my blood is up, and I have the strength of ten such men as you. Look to yourself, for by Heaven I will not spare you, if you drive me on.'
'Stand back,' cried Squeers, brandishing his weapon.
'I have a long series of insults to avenge,' said Nicholas, flushed with passion; 'and my indignation is aggravated by the dastardly cruelties practised on helpless infancy in this foul den. Have a care; for if you do raise the devil within me, the consequences shall fall heavily upon your own head.'"
by Charles Dickens
"'Is every boy here?' asked Squeers, in a tremendous voice.
Every boy was there, but every boy was afraid to speak; so Squeers glared along the lines to assure himself, and every eye drooped and every head cowered down as he did so.
'Each boy keep his place,' said Squeers, administering his favorite blow to the desk, and regarding with gloomy satisfaction the universal start which it never failed to occasion. 'Nickleby! to your desk, sir.'
It was remarked by more than one small observer, that there was a very curious and unusual expression in the usher's face, but he took his seat without opening his lips in reply; and Squeers casting a triumphant glance at his assistant and a look of most comprehensive despotism on the boys, left the room, and shortly afterwords returned dragging Smike by the collar - or rather by that fragment of his jacket which was nearest the place where his collar would have been, had he boasted such a decoration.
In any other place the appearance of the wretched, jaded, spiritless object would have occasioned a murmur of compassion and remonstrance. It had some effect even there; for the lookers-on moved uneasily in their seats, and a few of the boldest ventured to steal looks at each other, expressive of indignation and pity.
They were lost on Squeers, however, whose gaze was fastened on the luckless Smike as he inquired, according to custom in such cases, whether he had anything to say for himself.
'Nothing, I suppose?' said Squeers, with a diabolical grin.
Smike glancd round, and his eye rested for an instant on Nicholas, as if he had expected him to intercede; but his look was riveted on his desk.
'Have you anything to say?' demanded Squeers again: giving his right arm two or three flourishes to try its power and suppleness. 'Stand a little out of the way, Mrs. Squeers, my dear; I've hardly got room enough.'
'Spare me, sir!' cried Smike.
'Oh! That's all, is it?' said Squeers. 'Yes, I'll flog you within an inch of your life, and spare you that.'
'Ha, ha,ha,' laughed Mrs. Squeers, 'that's a good 'un.'
'I was driven to do it,' said Smike faintly; and casting another imploring look about him.
'Driven to do it, were you?' said Squeers. 'Oh! it wasn't your fault; it was mine, I suppose - eh?'
'A nasty, ungrateful, pig-headed, brutish, obstinate, sneaking dog,' exclaimed Mrs. Squeers, taking Smike's head under her arm, and administering a cuff at every epithet; 'what does he mean by that?'
'Stand aside, my dear,' replied Squeers. 'We'll try and find out.'
Mrs. Squeers being out of breath with her exertions, complied. Squeers caught the boy firmly in his grip; one desperate cut had fallen on his body - he was wincing from the lash and uttering a scream of pain - it was raised again, and again about to fall - when Nicholas Nickleby suddenly starting up, cried 'Stop!' in a voice that made the rafters ring.
'Who cried stop?' said Squeers, turning savagely round.
'I,' said Nicholas, stepping forward. 'This must not go on.'
'Must not go on!' cried Squeers, almost in a shriek.
'No!' thundered Nicholas.
Aghast and stupefied by the boldness of the interference, Squeers released his hold of Smike, and falling back a pace or two, gazed upon Nicholas with looks that were positively frightful.
'I say must not,' repeated Nicholas, nothing daunted;'shall not. I will prevent it.'
Squeers continued to gaze upon him, with his eyes starting out of his head; but astonishment had actually for the moment bereft him of speech.
'You have disregarded all my quiet interference in the miserable lad's behalf,' said Nicholas; 'returned no answer to the letter in which I begged forgiveness for him,and offered to be responsible that he would remain quietly here. Don't blame me for this public interference. You have brought it upon yourself; not I.'
'Sit down, beggar!' screamed Squeers, almost beside himself with rage, and seizing Smike as he spoke.
'Wretch,' rejoined Nicholas, fiercely,'touch him at your peril! I will not stand by and see it done; my blood is up, and I have the strength of ten such men as you. Look to yourself, for by Heaven I will not spare you, if you drive me on.'
'Stand back,' cried Squeers, brandishing his weapon.
'I have a long series of insults to avenge,' said Nicholas, flushed with passion; 'and my indignation is aggravated by the dastardly cruelties practised on helpless infancy in this foul den. Have a care; for if you do raise the devil within me, the consequences shall fall heavily upon your own head.'"
by Charles Dickens
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
another list
I was recently inspired by a dear friend to write a life to-do list of sorts...so here goes:
1. read the Brothers Karamazov
2. learn to like most vegetables, or at least broccoli
3. read everything by C.S. Lewis
4. study at Oxford
5. kiss in the rain
6. grow a garden
7. live in a house with wood floors
8. become fluent in Spanish
9. learn German & French
10. volunteer consistently
11. sponsor a child
12. work in a prostitution ministry again
13. learn to do something with my hair
14. run a half-marathon
15. hear Beethoven's 9th performed live
16. run to the Catalina airport from camp
17. go see "A Christmas Carol" as often as possible
18. learn to sail
19. curb my addiction to sugar
20. get better at skiing
21. be able to do at least 5 pushups
22. learn to read Greek & Latin
23. go horseback riding more often
24. learn to draw really well
25. play in a wind ensemble again
26. work at an orphanage
27. get better at sight-reading
28. teach exercise classes
29. get really connected at a church
30. visit rest homes and sing hymns with the old people
31. write a really good novel
32. have a family
33. memorize: Shakespeare's Sonnet 116, Donne's Holy Sonnets, favorite Bible passages
34. fall in love
35. visit colonial towns in New England
36. visit the part of Germany that my family is from (wherever that may be)
37. live in BC or WA again
38. wake up really early without feeling tired
39. graduate with at least a 3.7
40. cook consistently
41. do Outward Bound
42. learn when to use who vs. whom
43. be able to run for an hour straight
44. see Beauty & the Beast the musical
45. read the whole Bible
46. visit Prince Edward Island
47. learn to really waltz, not just fake it :)
48. read more poetry
49. love my family unselfishly
50. tithe consistently
Phew.
1. read the Brothers Karamazov
2. learn to like most vegetables, or at least broccoli
3. read everything by C.S. Lewis
4. study at Oxford
5. kiss in the rain
6. grow a garden
7. live in a house with wood floors
8. become fluent in Spanish
9. learn German & French
10. volunteer consistently
11. sponsor a child
12. work in a prostitution ministry again
13. learn to do something with my hair
14. run a half-marathon
15. hear Beethoven's 9th performed live
16. run to the Catalina airport from camp
17. go see "A Christmas Carol" as often as possible
18. learn to sail
19. curb my addiction to sugar
20. get better at skiing
21. be able to do at least 5 pushups
22. learn to read Greek & Latin
23. go horseback riding more often
24. learn to draw really well
25. play in a wind ensemble again
26. work at an orphanage
27. get better at sight-reading
28. teach exercise classes
29. get really connected at a church
30. visit rest homes and sing hymns with the old people
31. write a really good novel
32. have a family
33. memorize: Shakespeare's Sonnet 116, Donne's Holy Sonnets, favorite Bible passages
34. fall in love
35. visit colonial towns in New England
36. visit the part of Germany that my family is from (wherever that may be)
37. live in BC or WA again
38. wake up really early without feeling tired
39. graduate with at least a 3.7
40. cook consistently
41. do Outward Bound
42. learn when to use who vs. whom
43. be able to run for an hour straight
44. see Beauty & the Beast the musical
45. read the whole Bible
46. visit Prince Edward Island
47. learn to really waltz, not just fake it :)
48. read more poetry
49. love my family unselfishly
50. tithe consistently
Phew.
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